naptime ...

so it still feels like all logan does is sleep. he still has so many of the newborn blob caracteristics and i am totally lost to as when kailee lost them and became happy baby the kind that play back with you. okay so he's starting to play back with me, if you tickle his tummy he actually smiles now, and doesn't look at me like im crazy. he is more awake now, although i feel like i am ignoring this time because kailee has me off doing something for her. it just seems like he's lagging ... but i should not be completely surprised, at the hospital one of the lactation nurses was talking about how pre-term babies tend to develop by there due dates more than their birth dates. logan wasn't technically a premie but he was pretty close to it at 37 weeks and one day. and it seems his development is moving by way of his due date not his actual birthday. oh well that should stop soon, or at least by the time he's a year old. but it has me all worried sometimes. 
i have been so stressed out with him any way. the whole pregnancy thing and being told repeatedly what the risks were. oh and hey i got a call today from the anisiolgist today (the doc with all the goods on pain) asking if i wanted to be in some press stuff over them doing this nasty arterial line iv on me (i had the iv like everyone has, then in my other arm after  a multitude of pricking, i has another iv that has a tinny tiny line attached to it (some 6 or so inches, that went up my artery to monitor my blood flow, had one in my neck too (that was way freaky them putting it in, usually they do it while the patient is unconscious and still under anithesa  NOT AWAKE.)  yeah so seeing as it worked for me they kinda want to advertise it ... i dont really know and am awaiting an email with more details, yeah heart condition and having baby dont really mix, i can totally see it from both sides too. i cant tell you how much i wanted logan and the crazy depression that spiraled when kailee was 4 months and being told i have this cadio miopothy and it was all caused by child birth and i shouldn't have another one. i was finally coming to terms (after violently throwing out alot of new baby stuff  that kailee had used _and not hating pregnant ladies when i found out i was pregnant with logan (some 2 almost 3 years later) and seriously i dont want to be part of some sort of positive media venture that will premote this now that i am on the other side and still dealing with the "health riskes" AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! 

i needed that ... this story will have to continue onto another post, im afraid i wont be making any since in a little while. 

before the rant i posted these picture of me sneaking up on logan during naptime, something he still does alot. 

I seriously need that, 


Scrap Candy said...

take care of you, Jakki - there is no one better on Earth that can raise these beautiful little ones - so YOU come first!! HUGS!

Pam said...

What a story! That is so scary and I can't imagine what you went through being told you shouldn't have more kids. However, I am SOOOO glad that you have little Logan and he is here and healthy! He is a sweet little miracle baby!

Shelstan said...

Deep breaths, girl.

Candi is right...take care of you! Your kids need you healthy, wealthy and wise!!